The title is easier said than done, huh? I sure have been feeling defeat with trying to live into the unknown lately. I am a very organized and structured person who struggles when it comes to going with the flow and figuring everything out as the appropriate time comes. This is especially true when thinking of the summer that lies directly ahead of me. For many reasons I am not able to return to Camp Geneva where I worked last summer as a junior high counselor. With knowing this for a long time I have been brainstorming many different options of what to do with my last 'college' summer before I am out in the real world. Study abroad? Summer of service? Minimum wage job? Internship? The possibilities are out there yet my heart is yearning for a nanny position.
Children bring an immense amount of joy to my soul and I have been around and worked with them my whole life. Being a nanny has been placed on my heart for this summer and I desperately long to know the family I believe God is preparing for me to be placed with. The problem.....well who is that? Fall semester I continually prayed and asked God to be preparing the hearts of both mine and the family's that I would be working with this summer. I started applying to nanny organizations, care-taker websites, and letting anyone and everyone know this was my ultimate dream job for the summer. I figured something, anything would come through especially with the break of the new year and eyes fully focused in the months ahead.
Unfortunately, nothing yet. I have had many opportunities pop up yet time and again they fall through for one reason or another. I have been getting incredibly discouraged asking the Lord questions like: I said I would be a nanny anywhere God, how has nothing come up out of the whole country? Why have you provided me so many qualifications, yet not allowed me to bless others with them? Am I pursuing my own passion over yours? I am unaware of the answer to these questions yet I have been reminded once again the beauty of living into the unknown. Right now I don't know where I am headed this summer, but maybe that's okay. Maybe that means my heart is still being refined and I am not ready for knowing the specifics yet.
"For you, God, tested us; you refined us like silver." Psalm 66:10
Maybe the Lord is assisting me in letting go of some of the traps of organization and structure. Maybe there is something far greater in store, something far beyond my comprehension at this time. The unknown encompasses me yet I stand firm in knowing it is okay to live into this and glorify God through it while I wait. I must trust that...
"You, God, make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Psalm 16:11
Labels: faith, God, kids, Nanny