Something that has been on my heart almost constantly this past summer and now entering into the school year has been my camp experience. The summer of 2011, between my freshman and sophomore year in college I journeyed out to Camp Geneva in Holland, Michigan as a junior high camp counselor. The job was new to me, the so called 'mitten' state yet to be explored, and relationships nonexistent when I first stepped foot on the beautiful rich soil and sand of Western Michigan. There was so much excitement and anticipation built around this moment, months of waiting and wondering what it would be like, who my campers would be, and how I would grow and serve my Holy God through this three months of unfamiliarity. I expected to know these answers afterwards, be fulfilled by what I did that summer, and come back sharing left and right what happened, how I was transformed, where I saw God, what it was like, etc. That didn't happen.
Life picked up immediately. We were warned of that. I was ignorant to it. I figured what I knew when I left was what I had learned from the summer. Sophomore year at Northwestern wisked by with no hesitations and yes camp was on my heart but in a superficial, 'oh yeah I did that' kind of way. 20 credits a semester, leading an international mission trip to Guatemala, and previous relationships will do that to you. I thought the debriefing was done, the tears of missed counselors and campers had been shed, and my ministry was complete from 'the one time I did that.' Boy was I sorely wrong.
Once again the long summer days rolled around the corner as they always do, full of more excitement and anticipation this time just as last yet in a much different venue; at home, in the peace and quiet of a regional parks job, and the comfort of previously established relationships just an arms length away (one of those being Jacob of course).
Yet the most unexpected thing happened. In the quiet hum of seemingly everyday life my mind and attention were continually brought back into focus on my past summer at camp. Out of nowhere bubbled up emotions that I hadn't experienced or noticed since my return back to corn kingdom. Stories, campers, and counselors in the like kept appearing in the forefront of my mind and my heart longed to be back in that once uncomfortable far off land of Western Michigan that now held my heart in its palm. I prayed frequently that God would reveal His intentions of this and give words to my inner thoughts, an appropriate ear to listen, and peace among being in a much different season of life from where my heart was.
I grew a lot, one may beg to differ even more than the previous summer, from the mundane realities of a seasonal job that opened up to a Sabbath season of thought and reflection on a camp experience that had previously gone unprocessed. My heart and mind sank into several hard realities as I realized I had never quite been content wherever it was at, I continually begged God for opportunities and blessings yet didn't turn around to bless Him with them, and I was serving a God I only half believed was faithful. Needless to say, prior to this processing I had been ever hearing, but never understanding, ever seeing, but never perceiving (Isaiah 6:9).
At the same time I was (and still am) in a season of major spiritual processing and redemption, the Lord was showering grace and mercy over me. Instead of feeling guilty for the time I wasted wishing I was somewhere else or doubtful that I would ever change my former ways of thinking, I was sanctified in Jesus' atonement on the cross and delivered day by day into this new reality of serving a God I did whole heartily believe, one whom I now desired to return blessings and glory to.
I went back and read through the notes I made in my Bible during the camp season and stumbled upon what I had written in the margin of 1 Peter 4:7-11. The passage is,
"The end of all things is near. Therefore be clear minded and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen."
This passage marked a pivotal and memorable moment two times throughout my summer as a camp counselor. I came across it during staff training and the weight of its importance hit me hard as I knew 'the only way I can do this summer is with God.' The commandments set before us as Christians are large yet only attainable through the grace and power of the Lord. Quickly the summer came into full swing and exactly a month later I came across this passage again. It stuck out to me like a sore thumb as I was awakened to the fact that I was still not doing this through God's power rather trying to stick it out on my own failing power. And as it dawned on me it is near impossible to love deeply, serve others with God given gifts, speak the words or God, and humbly obey these commandments without God.
So now I ask myself again over a year later...am I serving the Lord with my gifts I've received, loving others deeply, offering hospitality without grumbling, and praising my Father through the power of Jesus Christ alone? Or am I still believing the lies that I can do it on my own, find power within myself, and make these high commandments just another thing on a to-do list?
It definitely is a daily struggle yet also a daily reward of dying to myself and my own desires to share and partake in the beautiful body of Christ in these ways of life. I am beyond thankful for the opportunity I had to be a camp counselor and develop my knowledge and love for my Savior through junior high students and counselor relationships. I am even more thankful for the season of life I was recently blessed with, to receive open eyes and ears to process the yearnings of my heart. May this continue to be a process of learning and loving.
May you be blessed in whatever season of life you are in. Whether it be right in the heart of the action or in a time of reflection and thought. For our Lord is one of mercy and grace who blesses us with provision and discernment of our hearts for those who seek Him.
Labels: blessings, faith, friendship, God, heart, Jesus Christ, kids, ministry, questions, spirituality, Summer, thankfulness, youth
Once again the long summer days rolled around the corner as they always do, full of more excitement and anticipation this time just as last yet in a much different venue; at home, in the peace and quiet of a regional parks job, and the comfort of previously established relationships just an arms length away (one of those being Jacob of course).
So now I ask myself again over a year later...am I serving the Lord with my gifts I've received, loving others deeply, offering hospitality without grumbling, and praising my Father through the power of Jesus Christ alone? Or am I still believing the lies that I can do it on my own, find power within myself, and make these high commandments just another thing on a to-do list?