Flashback to 8th grade, the year I was introduced to the idea of making a husband list. Like many girls in the pubescent crazy hormonal stage, my mind flourished with thoughts of my someday prince charming sweeping me off my feet into an eternal happiness of love and marriage.
Some of the definite items on my list of requirements included (quoted directly from 8th grade Laura's husband list)...
- God. Whoever I marry has to really love God and not just say he loves God but he actually like really does love God.
- My husband has to be funny and make me laugh. If I can't laugh because of him, life will be boring.
- He has to be able to serve me and sacrifice anything for me because that is what someone who really loves me should do.
- My future husband has to always keep Christ at the center of our relationship no matter what because that is his job.
- Always pursues me. He must always try to love me more and never stop otherwise our relationship will be dull and I won't feel loved or satisfied.
Fast forward eight years later. Not only has this handsome fella has entered the picture (to be technical he was in the eighth grade picture as well but simply as a punk junior high boy that flirted with every girl except me, it's true, he will admit it) but I now cringe glancing over the sampling of expectations I included on my husband list.
The idea of making these lists may be genuine, you know the message of don't set your expectations too low, make sure you find the right guy, and seek out good qualities. All honorable things.
Reflected in my list of over thirty expectations (a little excessive I'd say) however is a selfish, needy, and critical Laura. Maybe in theory I was supposed to be thinking about how two will beautifully come together as one and serve the Lord together but in reality I was focused on how a future husband could fulfill me and only me.
Notice how the five points I gave as examples above are all about me, me, me. What he can do for me, what will make me happy, how he will fulfill me. I was seeking out only things he should do for me and what I could get from him and in the process completely misunderstanding the Lord.
It was all one sided and I was placing my satisfaction in a human being that I didn't even know of rather than God.
I have lived too many of my years of life with expectations. Expectations that are too high, too unrealistic, too minimizing of others. I fear that having criteria like such for our future spouses does not portray the grace and goodness of our Father God and allows for unmet expectations that can be detrimental.
Funny enough Jake does portray a lot of these qualities but no longer is it about what he can do for me and what I expect out of him but what we do together which is so beautifully ordained by God. We both love the Lord, we laugh together oh so much, we both demonstrate sacrifice to one another, Christ is a major part of our relationship, and we try to pursue one another in new ways.
My sisters and brothers, if we are truly seeking the Lord and living in his word how can we be so misled to think it is all about us? This goes for both our expectations for a relationship with our future spouse and God. We must always look to see how we can sacrifice ourselves first and serve the Lord together.
Labels: faith, Heart to Heart